We have very exciting news!! In November we shared with you Dan & Davina's story and that they had been match with a sibling set of 3 children who were foster kids. Guess what? After a 2 week transition plan from their foster family, these three cuties are now permanently with their forever family as of on Friday 1.9.15. It all happened pretty quickly and we need to continue to help them raise the $7500 they need!!! Lots of people have stepped up with clothes, toys, and prayers so what they need now is funds.
Currently we have helped them raise $1330 which means they need $6170. If 247 people give $25 they will make their goal. You can DONATE Via our website HERE or mail checks to 123 Lake Dr. Lutz 33548. Put Devries family in the comments. Not everyone will adopt but everyone can be a part of the solution in helping care for orphans. All donations go directly to the Devries adoption (minus 3% credit card processing) and are tax deductible.
When a baby who will be adopted is born……….
We are so beyond thrilled for Jennifer and Ryan's story to really just be beginning with baby Grant! David and I actually get to meet him this Friday:-) From the moment you get called to the hospital to when you actually get to bring your baby home is truly 2 days that change you forever. It's something most people will never experience and some are a little afraid of what that could be like so Jennifer was open enough to share what their personal experience was like. What she shares is absolutely what we felt when each of our 2 girls were born, it actually brings back the emotion I felt reading her words and describing it so well. This is so worth the read and might just help get you to the next step if you are have been scared of the unknown!
What were you thinking and feeling the last week leading up to when Grant was born?
There was a lot of excitement and anticipation! I know a lot of people feel anxious or worried but we had a real peace about everything and were able to enjoy the process which was wonderful. Our birthmom had a "false alarm" two weeks before her due date. She was already somewhat dilated and having contractions so we were on high alert waiting for the call. We wondered when we should travel to be near her, how we would get the dogs to the sitter and if we had attended to all the little details.
How did the process at the hospital work? Did you get to be in the delivery room? Who cut the cord?
Well, I am so glad we signed up for the tour of the hospital with our precious birthmom and did it together! It was helpful to see the rooms we would be in and we were able to ask adoption-specific questions privately at the end of the tour. Every hospital is different concerning how they handle adoption. Also some things the doctor had told us were not accurate so getting the information right from the maternity floor helped us feel prepared. We were very blessed and fortunate to have been included in the prenatal care which gave us the chance to build a relationship with our birthmom. We arrived at the hospital the same time as our birthmom so we were there for the whole process. I was able to accompany her to maternity triage and then my husband joined us after she was admitted for labor and delivery. I was the first person to hold Grant as soon as he entered the world and my husband was able to cut the cord. All three of us were able to enjoy the first hour of his life in the delivery room, taking turns holding him "skin-to-skin."
What were your first thoughts/feelings when you saw Grant being born?
It was the most amazing experience to witness! The first thing we saw was his dark black hair. Seeing his little face for the first time was surreal. I felt so proud of our birthmom for her strength and courage. It was hard to stay composed. I think we all cried a few tears. The most amazing moment for me was when our birthmom said I should hold him first for skin-to-skin time. When the nurse placed him on my chest, she laid him where I could feel his heart beating directly above mine. That was such an incredible moment. I remember holding him thinking "I can't believe he's really here!!!" And "He's so perfect!!" I still feel that way.
Before the legal papers are signed, there are these 2 days that are just awkward and so hard for everyone involved before you get to leave the hospital. They are some of the most life changing moments you will ever experience. How did the 2 days go before you got to actually leave the hospital?
Well, from what I am told, our adoption was different than most. We had developed such a good relationship with our birthmom that we were able to be present for much more than most adoptive parents. We are so thankful for that! She went into labor on Friday night but he wasn't born until the next day, so I stayed with her all night and we watched movies to take her mind off of the pain of labor, which was moving slowly at that point. My husband went to sleep at the hotel, but she had welcomed him to stay too. I also stayed in the hospital the first night after he was born at her request, which is very rare but amazing. We took turns holding him. I took the night shift so she could sleep.
About noon the second day we left to give her time with her birthmom coach and with the baby. I think that was the hardest part, leaving him knowing that it's not final yet. You're just praying nothing changes and you're waiting for the call to come back and take your baby home. One thing that made it harder was that we live far from where he was born, so it wasn't like we could go home and distract ourselves with laundry. We prayed together, cried a little, had a nice lunch, picked up a small present for our birthmom, played at an arcade, and saw a movie. I think it was important for us to release some of the emotion that had built up. While very exciting it is also a very emotionally heavy process.
The adoption agency told us the papers were to be signed at 10:30 the next morning. So, we arrived at 10am and waited in the lobby until they called us. However, when the attorney arrived our birthmom asked for me be with her during the signing. When I entered the room she was holding Grant in her lap and sobbing. I sat down next to her on the side of her hospital bed, put my arm around her, and provided whatever comfort I could. At one point, she gave Grant to me. I took him but then felt like I still needed to be 100% focused on supporting her at that moment so I asked the birthmom coach to hold him while I continued to comfort her. I didn't say a word. Just rubbed her back and cried with her. It was all I could do. Once all the papers were signed, they invited my husband to come back in. We asked if we could pray for her and Grant and she agreed. She gave us both big hugs and told us she loved us. It was a very tough but precious moment.
From what I've been told, often after the papers are signed the birthmother is immediately discharged and then leaves the hospital even if the baby has not yet been discharged. At our particular hospital they left it up to us. We invited our birthmom to stay with us until right before the baby was to be discharged. I think that was a special time because it reinforced that we care deeply about her too. I had the privilege of driving her home and making sure she got settled in. Then I returned to the hospital to ride out in the wheelchair to the car with our baby boy, Grant!
What did it feel like after the papers were signed and you were leaving the hospital, heading home with your new son?
Witnessing the paper signing was one of the hardest and best things I've ever been part of. Here we were about to receive the greatest joy and treasure but for that to happen our birthmom must endure her greatest sorrow. Of course we felt relief, excitement, gratitude and a host of other joyous emotions but we also felt the heaviness of her loss and the sting of her grief. There was a moment when she was hugging me and sobbing that I was able to whisper to her, "You are a good mom. Mom's do what's best for their children no matter what and that's what you're doing. You are a good mom." During this whole process I was thinking of our Heavenly Father. In her sadness I saw the same sacrifice God made for us when He released His only Son for our salvation. And in our joy I reflected on God's choice to adopt us as His own and graft us into His eternal family making us heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ. What a beautiful picture it was. I think when we were leaving I was still trying to take it all in and process what an incredible thing had just happened.
People are often times scared of "open adoption" and interaction with the birth mom. Can you share how that went?
Well, there again our story isn't the typical story. We came to the adoption agency pre-matched because our birthmom learned about us through a mutual friend. As the agency director told us, we kind of came in on step 10 when most people have already done steps 1-9.
So, we had to catching up to do and we have to learn fast and make decisions even faster. We learned quickly that legally there is no such things as "open" or "closed" adoption. Those are terms we use to describe how much the families will know about each other. Because the agency that our birthmom chose only does "open" adoptions, very early on we had to make decisions about just how open we were willing to be. We wanted to promise only what we knew we could follow-through on, so as not to hurt or disappoint our birthmom.
I think we had the same fears that everyone has. There is always the risk that the birthmom will utilize your support then change her mind. There's the "what if" scenarios like "will she show up at our house one day and want to see him?" And so many others I could name. We began praying through all of those things as we proceeded. At first we were cautious about sharing contact information, so we set up a special email and phone number to use on for the adoption. But once we built a good relationship with our birthmom we felt confident that we had healthy boundaries and that she was trustworthy. So for us, even though on paper we agreed to monthly pictures for the first year and then an annual picture after that, we plan to do more as long as the relationship continues as well as it has been.
I know people are concerned about the term "open" but I think it's mostly because they don't fully understand it. In the end, once the adoption is final any and all decisions about contact belong to the adoptive parents. And, as adoptive parents, there may come a time when you have to make hard choices based on what is best for your child and your family. We anticipate having to make those choices as well, but it's just like any other big parenting decision we will have to make. We will prayerfully do it together, trusting God to protect our family. In the end, I am so glad we chose open adoption. Open adoption won't be right for everyone in every situation but for us it made our experience a million times richer and we wouldn't trade that for anything!
How has this process changed you as a person?
Wow! That's a big open-ended question that is ongoing. Adoption is still changing us. For me the process started changing when Ms. Carrie Wildes posed the rhetorical question of "how much is too much to pay to rescue a child from experiencing the foster care system?" That's when my paradigm started to shift. I had always thought we could never afford adoption. I also thought "why would we pay for it privately when there are so many foster children in need?". But that question stuck with me. As a trauma therapist I see the result of early childhood trauma. How many times have I wished someone would have rescued my clients from their abandonment or abuse? You just can't put a price tag on that gift.
Adoption has definitely increased my faith! People we know who have adopted told us that if this is the child God has ordained from the creation of the world to be in your family then the money will come and it did! Exceedingly abundantly more than we could have ever asked for or imagined!! Our Pastor frequently says "faith builds on faith." We've taken some pretty bold steps of faith in our walk with God, but this was one of the biggest by far! It not only increased my faith because of how God provided the means, it also increased my faith because little Grant Banner is the answer to many long years of prayer and he is the fulfillment of a promise the Lord gave us a year before we ever knew he would be arriving.
In addition to increasing my faith, this process has changed me heart in ways that are hard to explain. When I sing or hear a song now with the word orphan or adopted it touches my heart in a new way. I have new and greater compassion for birth parents making the hardest decision of their lives. It has also given me an opportunity to minister to a precious young lady in a way that no one else can. I think it has made me more generous and more compassionate. It has also made me more grateful for "every good and perfect gift that comes from above!"
Dan & Davina's Story
Today is National Adoption Day, which is a day to help raise awareness about the 100,000 + children in foster care that are ready and waiting for forever families. It's literally the perfect day to share with you our next Promise Love family!!! Dan and Davina are an amazing couple, and they found out this past Wednesday that they are officially matched with a sibling set of 3 kids. A 3 year old boy, 2 year old girl, and 1 year old boy! These brothers and sister are going to get to grow up together with a wonderful family. If you've read any of our other posts you know how much we absolutely love adoption from the foster system and we are SO beyond excited for Dan and Davina to be their forever parents. I love this little announcement image Davina shared today on her Facebook page.
They agency they are working with is Finally Home Christian Adoption Services, which is a private agency, but also helps match families with foster children who are ready to be adopted.
Dan & Davina are working on raising $7,000 to bring these kids home and that's where we are here to help!!!!
With Thanksgiving just a few days away and Christmas coming up, why not give the gift of a forever home to 3 children?
CLICK DONATE ON OUR SITE AND PUT "DAN & DAVINA" IN THE COMMENT BOX. YOU ALSO CAN MAIL A CHECK TO THE PROMISE LOVE FOUNDATION: PO BOX 47432 TAMPA FL 33646. PROMISE LOVE FOUNDATION IS A 501C3 NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION AND ALL GIFTS ARE TAX-DEDUCTIBLE.
What we do as a foundation is help families raise money, and all donations we pay directly to their adoption agency. All donations, except credit card processing fees goes directly to Dan & Davina's adoption. Here's their story, told by Davina:-) .......
How did your adoption journey begin?
Dan and I began our decision to adopt with one purpose: Every child deserves a home where their needs can be met and they can be safe.
Tell us about you and Dan?
We met in 1996, while Dan was in the Marine Corps living in North Carolina, and I was a senior in High School in New Jersey. We married in 1999. The past 18 years together have been full of ups and downs, but through it all we relied on each other to make it and have a great history of working together. Since being a couple we remain best friends and only feel like we are at our best when we are together. We show care and compassion to each other, spending our time together filled with joy and love. We support each other in all endeavors, whether together or as individuals, but mostly we like spending time together with our close friends. We are a great balance as a couple. Dan is a Mr. Fix-it. He is level headed and really thinks though problems. I am excited to try new things and is always willing to help Mr. Fix-it. Mostly, we just enjoy each other’s company and really like to make jokes and laugh. We try not to be too serious all the time. We are a strong family unit that children can only enhance.
Why did you decide to adopt from the foster system?
God told us directly to care for the orphans. We believe that there is an added to joy to life when children are included and always have had a desire to have children. We did try for some time to conceive, but two years ago were told we could not have biological children. I always had an aspiration to adopt a child. Dan took a little longer to come to this decision, but quickly became filled with joy over our decision foster children. We became licensed foster parents in June 2013, and were quickly entrusted with a three day old baby girl. From the beginning, Dan and I knew she would be reunified with her biological parents, but we did not hesitate to treat her as our own. At 11 months old she went back to her family and we were left with an empty nest. I truly enjoy fostering children and mentoring families. This is probably something I will do for a long time. God has given her a heart for young families in trouble. But this comes with a downside. We still want to have children in our home that get to stay with us. We look forward to filling our life with the children that God has already chosen for us. We just need to be patient as we wait for Him to introduce us. At that point we knew that God had chosen us to adopt a sibling group from foster care; there are so many children who need a safe home and siblings need a chance to stay together.
What do you want to share with these children who will become part of your family?
Looking back at our childhoods we are flooded with happy memories about the times we had with our families.
I always looked forward to Christmas morning when her mom, step-dad, two brothers, and sister would gather around to open presents. Mom would always make up names on the gifts so the kids could not peak before Christmas morning, yet she would always forget which child was assigned the different fake names. We would all laugh, as we would open one gift and then have to shuffle the presents to the correct child.
Dan’s memories of Christmas include his dad, mom, and two sisters. Each Christmas Eve Dad would light candles and turn on the tree lights as the family gathered around. Then Dad would always take out the Bible and read the Christmas Story.
All the holidays, vacations, summer breaks, and weekends were spent together as a family, having fun, and enjoying our time together. As we have become a larger family we have carried over some of these traditions, but look forward to creating even more with the inclusion of children.
What do you look forward to most becoming parents?
Celebrating World Adoption Day 11.9.14
We look forward to opening our home to children that will be a safe environment where all children are loved and respected as individuals. Their family history will become ours, and we will share the unconditional love that God has given to us with each child He brings to our home. Each child is a unique gift from God with special talents. We want to be able to delight in those talents and be a source of encouragement and education for our children.
Today is World Adoption Day!
Today, November 9th 2014 is the first ever worldwide celebration of adoption! Thousands of people showed their support by putting a smiley face on their hand and #worldadoptionday! Here's some of our friends showing their support!
A friend shared this statistic today and it is literally mind blowing:
"If only 7% of the world's 2.7 billion Christians cared for one orphan there would be no more orphans"
Adoption is way more complicated than a smiley face and has an enormous range of emotions, trauma, and every single situation is totally unique. November being adoption month, and World Adoption Day gets the conversation about this serious crisis out in the forefront and helps people start becoming part of the solution.
Today is also the perfect day to show you the film of our daughter Maddie's adoption finalization hearing. It's personal, and emotional, but amazing, and something most people won't get to experience so it's worth watching. This is when the judge grants final motion of adoption and legally the child becomes part of your forever family. A HUGE thank you to Bryan and Tracey from Lucky Lemon Films for capturing this for us so she'll be able to watch this someday.
Madeline Joy - Adoption Day from Lucky Lemon Films on Vimeo.
Fun-Raiser 2014!
Our very first event was a success!! Thank you to all who came out to have fun! We had 2 goals, the first to was to start getting the word out so we can raise funds to help more families with adoption. The 2nd was to celebrate the adoptions that we've had this year so far, which are Lisa & Fred's 3 children, David and I's 2 girls, and Holly and Saul's little girl. It was an afternoon of games, gelato, pizza, sweets, face painting, princess hair and lots of fun!! THANK YOU to all the amazing volunteers, and professionals who shared their services and donated their time and raffle items. This event would not have been possible without Michael and his staff at NOVA 535, and Linda and Danielle from Linda Marie Events. They all went above and beyond to make it a success and we are so thankful!
The Official Team N
It was double adoption day week for the Promise Love Foundation! 9.24.14 was adoption day for Holly and Saul's daughter Gisselle! Holly and I founded this organization, so this one is extra special because Gisselle and our daughter Maddie are sisters! She's an adorable, spunky, 3 year old now, Holly and Saul have had her as a part of their family since she was only 3 months old as a foster child. Holly use to do my hair at her house, and I remember the first time I met that sweet little baby right when she was about 4 months old. Back then, I never would have guessed the journey both of our families has gone on that came together with these 2 girls. Gisselle was their first foster child, and at that point foster or adoption for my husband David and I was not even on the horizon. 3 years later we got to be there as the judge had everyone raise their right hands and promise to love and care for Gisselle as part of their forever family. There is nothing sweeter!
The Official J Team
Tuesday 9.23.14 was adoption day for Lisa and Fred's 3 children!!! It's the end of one chapter and only the beginning to many more. I absolutely love photographing this amazing and emotional event. They had about 28 friends and family members there in the court room to celebrate with them. Lisa even had her parents on Skype so they could virtually be there. Some family members surprised them by coming in from out of town, teachers they had, and the foster family that the children lived with for 2 years was there for this occasion. Once the judge made the final ruling, she had each child come to the stand and gave them a build a bear. She explained that inside the box was an adoption certificate so each child could name their bear and officially adopt them. What an awesome gift and way to explain it to them. We are SO happy for team J!!!!
From Foster to Forever Family - Team Moore
Very good friends of the Promise Love Foundation, Bruce and Heather Moore, allowed me to photograph the beginning of their official family (by legal standards:-). We've shared with you how process to adopt from the foster system works, and it literally gives me chills showing you how amazing the final outcome is. The court hearing itself is very short, only about 10 minutes long, but the impact of what this means can span generations. Everyone introduces themselves, parents, grandparents and friends. Then attorney verifies in front of the judge that Bruce and Heather are going to be the forever parents of Titus and Noelle, and that Gwen will be their forever sister. At the end, the bailiff gets out teddy bears for all the kids and you can take a picture with the judge. Sounds simple right?
There's so much more. We did some photos outside the courthouse and I absolutely love that they get in a circle and say "team Moore". That's what a family is right? A team!!!! Titus and Noelle are siblings that have gone through significant trauma in their very young lives and their parents' rights were terminated. They were placed into the match process for adoption, and let me tell you, they have won the lottery. I don't know if I can convey with words the different path their lives will take now. Heather and Bruce opened their home and rescued these children from the potential of bouncing from foster home to foster home, being separated, or even continuing the cycle of abuse, poverty, crime, and drugs that is rampant among kids that grow up in the foster system. I'm not trying to be dramatic here, it's the truth and more people need to know about it and be a part of the solution! So a happy beginning for Team Moore. To give you some personal insight I asked Heather some questions and she really shared what it feels like and how this all came to be………..
Heather sent me this picture, it was the very first time they had a visit with the kids. I put my favorite question last, it's the most important. I love their story and how it came to be……...
Tell us a little about your family and why you decided to adopt from the foster system?
Before we were married, Bruce and I talked about adoption. Whether or not we could have biological children, we wanted to adopt. For us, adoption is a beautiful picture of exactly what God has done for us. He engrafts us into His family through the gift of His Son, Jesus Christ. Adoption is not a man-made concept; it is the very heart of God!
Six years ago, God blessed us with the most incredible little girl. She is smart, funny, generous, and loves God even at a young age. She began asking for a sibling (a sister to be exact) and praying for one. It was then God promoted us to start our adoption journey. We briefly looked at international adoption and ruled it out for several reasons. Next, we met with private adoption agencies. Each agency had stacks of family profiles waiting to be filled and for us it was cost-prohibitive. Prior to our adoption journey, we made some decisions that radically altered our finances. We started Christ Fellowship Tampa, a church in the heart of Seminole Heights, and we went without a salary for an entire year. Each subsequent year we have given significantly to ministry and missions. We were not in a position to afford private adoption.
It was then that we turned to the foster care system. Adoption from foster care is not for everyone. There are hoops to jump through. Families wanting to adopt an infant or even young child might wait a long time. And let’s face it; children are in foster care because something has gone horribly wrong.
However, these are children who with consistency, time and a whole lot of love can and will make a transition into a healthy home. I am so glad we adopted from foster care! Beyond a shadow of a doubt, these two children were meant to be ours.
You went from a family of 3 to a family of 5, what are the 3 happiest moments you have had as a new family and the 3 most challenging moments you've had?
Well, to be honest it is like hitting a brick wall. There is a physical aspect for sure. Three times the meals, three times the baths, and three times the laundry. But, there is also an emotional and mental aspect that can be more taxing than the physical side.
This is where our most challenging moments have occurred. The abuse and neglect have impacted the children in different ways. One child is insecure and afraid of anything new. This child needs constant reassurance and prodding to try things, even fun things. The other child is angry. We have been bitten, kicked, hit, screamed and growled at. Balancing the transition of the two new children into the home, along with reassuring our firstborn daughter along the way is more emotionally draining than I thought.
Thankfully, our Christ Fellowship family has been there for us. They hosted an adoption shower, organized a meal train and have prayed for us. They have been our cheerleaders on the exhausting days and our encouragers on the difficult days. They have celebrated with us on the wonderful day. They texted us, brought us Starbucks and babysat all three kids so we can have date nights. They have loved us well!
And there have been moments we will treasure forever. Knowing their background, even the smallest movement forward is a huge victory! In the short time we have had them, they have made such huge strides. Some of our happiest moments are when the kids say, “I love you” of their own volition. Seeing the plethora of curse words drop from their vocabulary and being replaced with Bible songs and verses.
And for me personally (Heather), our daughter came into our home calling every adult female “mom.” This was even noted in the child study we read at Disclosure Meeting. It was like she spent years looking for a mom. Now, she refers to me and me alone as Mom. She found me. She found her Mom!
What was going through your mind and how did you feel after the adoption finalization hearing was over?
Of all the questions, this one is the hardest to answer. It is hard to put into words the emotions of hearing the gavel hit the Judge’s desk and knowing that Noelle and Titus are forever ours. There were the natural emotions of joy, happiness and love that have invaded our hearts over the last three months. But, for us it is so much richer and deeper than that. What happened in that courtroom was first and foremost a spiritual thing. This whole process has taught and continues to teach us about God and His great love for us.
Some of my favorite verses are:
…having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will. Ephesians 1:5
For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father. Romans 8:15
Our God, from your sacred home, you take care of orphans and protect widows.
You find families for those who are lonely. Psalm 68
What advice do you have for people who are deciding if adopting through the foster system is a journey they are looking to start?
First, don’t give up! We were presented with 6 different match options. We turned down 2 potential matches because of severe medical needs of the children. Neither Bruce nor I have a medical background or nursing degree. The match was just not right for us. However, for the remaining matches even though we were wiling to proceed the Match Committee chose anther family. Many times along the way, we could have given up. In fact, it was harder emotionally and mentally to continue to stay in the process. But, we preserved and now beyond a shadow of doubt we know why the previous matches never materialized. We were meant to the parents of Noelle and Titus.
Secondly, be flexible! The system has rules and procedures that at times can seem confusing or even contradictory. Ask your caseworker to explain or re-explain things if necessary. Endurance is key but so is communication.
Thirdly, be prepared! While I say that, there is no way to prepare fully. Each foster child’s background is different. And in turn, each child will respond differently to the neglect and/or abuse. So foster parents and adoptive parents are presented with a child who will not respond normally nor act in ways that are polite and mannerly. However, you can prepare yourself by reading The Connected Child. This book is widely considered to be the “bible “ for adoptive families. It has helped put so much into perspective for us. On days when our frustration level is sky high this book reminds us to extend grace and mercy to children who have never been taught nor loved properly.
What is your biggest hope and dream for these 2 new additions to your family?
We desire these two precious souls be free from their past and live a life that bears no scars of the neglect and abuse they suffered at an early age. God has created these two children in His image, so it naturally follows that He has plans for their lives--plans for a hope and future. Our greatest joy would be to see each of them embrace God’s plan and live a life wholly committed to Him.
Our very first event!! Promise Love Fun-Raiser 9.28.14!!!
We are very excited to share with you our very first event! It's going to be a carnival style event for all ages, kids and adults! Games, food, prizes, face painting, princess hair & makeup, raffles and a very special surprise guest!!!! There's no admission and all are welcome!! Papa Murphy's will be there selling pizza slices and we'll be selling game/food tickets at the door or you can skip the line and we'll have them ready for you at the door by pre-ordering online:
www.promiselovefoundation.org/donate
All funds raised will go towards families in process of adoption and we are also celebrating the adoption of Holly & Saul's daughter and David and my 2 girls!!!!
You can share the event on Facebook HERE!
Private Adoption - How does it work?
How does one even figure out how to get started when looking into adoption?? It can be quite an overwhelming thing!! So, we are going to give you the skinny on how private domestic adoption works. David and have done 2 private domestic adoptions, we just officially finalized one and the second one will be soon, so I can share what we've experienced and the process. Holly shared the process to adopt from the foster system, you can read that HERE. There are huge differences in how each of these processes works and even a different set of laws they fall under.
Private Adoption by definition is: an adoption arranged by a privately-funded, licensed adoption agency. There are costs involved, private domestic adoption is typically $20,000-$40,000 depending on the state and agency. This is usually the biggest deterrent people say when considering adoption. Take a step back and think about it. How much is the car or 2 cars sitting in your drive way and how long will you keep them? 3 years, 5 years? Initially when David and I were looking at our options for adoption, we were hesitant on working with a private agency because it just sounds wrong that you are paying to have a child become part of your family. In reality though, you are paying that amount so that a birth mother can make the most unselfish decision she will ever make, giving her child a home and a life that she probably wouldn't be able, or isn't ready to provide. A lot of these kids would probably end up in the foster system if that mom didn't make that choice. I know for a fact that one of our babies would be in the system right now if it wasn't for her mom making the decision to place her for adoption. Now she will not have to endure the potential numerous foster homes, and years before should would actually be able to be adopted or even aging out of the system. I'm telling you, it is worth every penny, it's rescuing a child and giving them love and a life they might never have.
Ok, off the soapbox:-) Here's from my perspective the steps you can follow to get started:
1. Start researching adoption agencies - There are a LOT of adoption agencies out there. Some reputable, many not so reputable. We have a couple listed on our resources page that we have worked with and know are amazing. David and I opted for a small local agency (Finally Home Christian Adoption Services) because it was faith based and we knew the person who started the agency. You really have to be confident in the agency you are working with, their fee structure, and their support to you and even more importantly to the birth mom.
2. Once you choose an agency they will have a process for you to follow. There are a lot of documents you will have to fill out to be qualified, as well as having an approved home study. The main things are; proof of income and expenses, background checks, references, why you want to adopt and the list goes on.
3. Application and Preferences - This is part of the paperwork you will fill out but it's important so I am making it it's own item:-) Your agency should require you to state what type of things you are open to in terms of a potential child you could be matched with. This includes race, gender, age, siblings, drug exposure during pregnancy, HIV, alcohol during pregnancy, disabilities (both mental and physical) and other factors. You have to decide what your family can handle and what you are open to. We also did a lot of research on our own in terms of HIV and exposure to drugs because we had no idea what the effects are. HIV I thought was the most interesting. If the birth mom is on medication and generally has a c-section the rate of the baby being HIV + is <2%. That is just amazing to me how medicine has gotten to that place. You can plan, and research as much as you want to, but at some point no matter what happens, you have to decide if that is the child that is meant to be a part of your family.
4. Home Study - This is a requirement by law that the agency you choose has to perform and you have to be approved for before you can have an adoptive placement. There is an actual in home visit and interview with a licensed professional or social worker. All the paperwork you filled out will also be a part of the home study which will check marital status, income, health, references, and background check for criminal and abuse history.
5. Family Profile Book - While all these other things are in process you will have to make a book about your family. This is what your adoption agency will present to birth moms or parents, that are working with your agency to place their children for adoption. It can be a little overwhelming because you have to basically do a book of your life and show photos of things like your home, family members, activities, your wedding, why you want to adopt, a letter to the potential birth mom, pets, hobbies, vacations etc! I had to do ours very quickly and thankfully since I am a photographer I'm very organized and could pull images. Here's what the cover of our book looks like. I basically googled "adoption family profile book" and I used MixBook to actually build the album because it was super easy to throw in pictures and text.
Here's a couple articles I used that helped:
- Adoptive Families
- Adoptive Family Circle
There are even companies you can pay to do one for you like this one: Little Blessings Adoption. It was tempting, but I literally had one day to do ours so I just used ideas from articles and examples to organize our info.
6. Waiting - Once your home study is approved then the waiting begins. It can be long or short depending the things you are open to that you stated in your application and family profile. Typically, for a newborn the waiting process they say is about a year. Sometimes it's much shorter and sometimes it's much longer. Generally, the more open your profile the faster it can be. When you are in process don't be afraid to let friends and family know what you are doing and that you are in process. Many times matches occur because a friend of a friend knows someone who is thinking about adoption and you never know what might happen!
7. Match - Adoption agencies also have a process for working with prospective birth mom's. When a birth mom signs on with an agency and has committed to the process they will then be presented family profiles to choose who they think will be the best fit for their child. Once the birth mom officially choses the family, depending on the situation there can be a lot of interaction with the birth mom or very little. This can include going to doctor appointments and getting to know her. Every situation is totally different. The agency we chose really focuses on the birth mom, which we really liked because they did weekly counseling with her that walked her through a lot of the emotional things she was going through and getting her ready for the emotions she would experience when the baby was born. Birth moms have to actually decide to place their children for adoption 2 times. Once when they actually sign on with an agency and a second time after they give birth and officially have to sign the documents and handing the baby over to the adoptive family.
8. Costs - You usually just hear a blanket amount of how much adoption costs but not really an explanation of it's for. The adoption agency you choose should give you a detailed fee schedule about what amounts are due when. There's agency fees, legal fees, and also a legal amount of birth mother expenses by law allowed. In Florida it's $5000, but it does vary by state.
Examples of what agency fees include are:
- Application process
- Adoption training
- Background checks
- Home study
- Birth parent paperwork
- Birth parent counseling and support
- Administration fees
- Initial legal fees
- Post placement visits
Legal Expense:
- Document filing
- Birth certificate
- Certified copies of judgements
- Court representation
Birthparent Expense:
- In Florida these are not to exceed $5000 unless approved by the court
- The agency should determine a budget with the birthparent for necessary living expenses like food, rent, utilities, clothing, etc that must meet legal guidelines
- These should all be itemized and presented to you before the finalization hearing. I don't know if all agencies do this, but our agency even reimbursed us when the amount budgeted was not fully used.
- Medial care of the baby at time of birth are the responsibility of the adoptive parents. This scared me at first because you never know what can happen, but our agency gave us a letter to present to our adoption agency so that our normal medial insurance covered the baby beginning from birth. This is something you need to check with your insurance company at the beginning to see what their policy is.
When you add all of these tasks up, and there are more these are just the big ones, the time and legal services that go into a successful adoption should make sense.
8. Birth - It's an exciting and emotional time when the baby is actually coming! Again, each situation and the adoptive parents' involvement is totally different. With each of our babies' births we knew we would go to the hospital when contractions started to be about 2 minutes apart. Our first daughter's birth mom was induced on 2/14 and we thought we would have a Valentine's day baby! Maddie wasn't actually born until 2/16 at 12:35am, so we were on pins and needles for like 2 days. It's good to have a task to work on, I left painting our nursery for our project and I'm glad we did because we had literally 36 hours where we needed something to occupy our time. For Maddie's birth we were in the waiting room while she was born and we got to see her right after, while they were weighting her and we got to feed her for the first time. For Evie, our 2nd one, I was actually in the room and got to see her being born and cut the cord. Different hospitals have different policies for how involved they will allow adoptive families to be. The hospital our girls were born at was very adoption friendly and as long as you are there before the baby is born, you can get the 2nd wristband so you can go in and out of the nursery and stay with the baby there if necessary.
9. Hospital time - Our adoptions were both open adoptions, which means that we have interaction with the birth mom, closed adoption is no or little access. So I'm going to describe this in terms of open adoption. I'm going to do a blog posting on exactly what both open and closed means because that seems to be another thing people are scared of. The time after the baby is born, until you get to bring them home is probably the most emotional part of the process, and difficult to explain how it feels. In Florida, the birth mom has to sign over rights to the baby to the adoption agency before she is discharged from the hospital, which is generally 48 hours after birth, sometimes longer if she has a c-section. Again, each situation is going to be different. You want to be happy and spend time with the baby, but this is also the time that the birth mom has to connect with and come to terms with her decision. With both of ours, the hospital gave us a separate room so that we could spend time with baby but just down the hall from the birth mom so whenever she wanted to see her she could. It's a very tricky situation because you want to spend time with the baby, but not too much time that the birth mom doesn't get to, but not too little time that you aren't committed. I can't really think of another example of what unselfishness looks like, a birth mom placing her child for adoption is the ultimate example. She needs to feel loved and supported and to know that you are going to love that child with all your heart forever.
10. Signing - That 48 hours can seem like an eternity because until the birth mom signs the paperwork it's not done. Our adoption agent called us after the signing so that we could come and see the birth mom before she was discharged. With both of ours, we all prayed and cried together with the birth mom and wanted her to feel loved and secure that these sweet babies would be loved and grow up in the home they wanted for them. If the birth mom doesn't feel secure, loved, and supported she may not go through with her decision in the end. At our hospital it was funny because even though I didn't give birth, I had to be wheeled out in the wheel chair as if I had. Leaving the hospital is one of the happiest moments you will ever have, it's not the end, it's the beginning of something amazing.
11. Post Placement - After you bring baby home, there will generally be several post placement visits by your agency to make sure that everything is going smoothly. It's also a requirement so that you can finalize the adoption in court. In Florida, once the birth mother signs, she can not change her decision. In some states, they can change their mind after a certain timeframe like 30 or 60 days even after the baby has already gone home to the adoptive parents. Your agency so make you aware or what the law is in your current state.
12. Finalization - In Florida, you can officially go to court for the adoption finalization hearing after 90 days. Sometimes it takes longer depending on how backed up the courts are. The hearing is really a legal celebration of the decision you have made to adopt. The judges are generally very nice and happy during this hearing because it's probably one of the only happy things they get to do. In Hillsborough County family court, you can bring family and friends, and also have photo and video taken during the hearing. They also give the child a teddy bear which is really sweet. You basically take an oath that you are going to love and provide for the child for their entire life just as if you had actually given birth. It's a really awesome and amazing feeling to legally and officially finalize an adoption. I'll be sharing photos and video from Maddie's when I get them so you can see what it feels like.
13. Risks - Adoption is never a for sure thing until it's done. We didn't tell many people or make it public until after our birth moms had signed the paperwork and we were bringing our babies home. Sometimes it doesn't work out and the birth mom does not actually go through with her decision. We had just come off of a very emotional foster case so we were cautiously optimistic but we were in a good frame of mind because we knew if it was meant to be it would happen. It's a huge risk you take both monetarily and also emotionally. But giving birth yourself is a huge risk in the same way so it's actually not that different. You have to really trust your agency and their process to ensure that the mom's needs are being taken care of so that she can make the best decision. Some agencies won't refund any of the money you have already paid, and some will put it towards a future adoption if it's services that were already completed like a home study, application, etc. You have to pray and trust that God will put in your home the children he wants to be there, and you don't really have any control over it. It's scary, but amazing, because if you are along for the ride and open truly amazing things can happen.
Jennifer and Ryan's Story
This is Ryan and Jennifer. We have known them for 8 years, and we are so excited that they are now part of the Promise Love Family! Their story is truly amazing and you can be a part of it! They watched us walk through both our foster and adoption journeys, and it is so exciting that they are on a journey of their own!
Ryan and Jennifer are both in ministry, and have been since 2001 when they got married and began working with students full-time. Since then, their ministry journey has brought them to Florida where they continue to serve a growing church on the East Coast. Ryan works as a Worship and Student Pastor while Jennifer uses her gifts in Christian Counseling to help trauma victims.
It wasn’t that long ago that a visit to the Promise Love Foundation helped them get ready for what God was about to do. After several visits, lots of long talks, and much prayer, Ryan and Jennifer made a decision to say yes if God provided an opportunity for them to adopt. Although it had been a long time in the making, the official decision to say yes to adoption was made on a Monday and the very next day God opened that very door! A young mother was bravely choosing adoption and desired a loving family for her baby, and someone thought Ryan and Jennifer might be the perfect family for that baby.
The day they got the call that the birth mother had chosen them, Jennifer remembers reflecting on her prayer journal from exactly one-year prior. Exactly a year before, the Lord had given her two very important passages of Scripture while on a trip to the mountains. The first passage was from Psalms 20: 1-5 which said…
May the Lord answer you [and]…protect you.
May he send you help… and grant you support…
May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings.
May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.
May we shout for joy over your victory and lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests.
And the second verse was Gen 18:10, which read “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”
Through that verse, God gently spoke to Jennifer about their desire to have a family and in those verses He even provided a name for the son they were believing God to provide. Jennifer couldn’t explain how, but she came home from the mountains in June 2013 telling Ryan that God had promised a son whose name would be Grant but they would have to wait a year for his arrival. Imagine their shock and awe when their life-changing phone call came exactly one year to the date of that amazing journal entry
The confirmation came just a few weeks after that first phone call that the baby was indeed a boy! Now Ryan and Jennifer are walking by faith, trusting God to provide all that they need to bring Baby Grant home from the hospital at the end of this year. So, Promise Love Foundation is here to help. We have created an adoption fund for Baby Grant and are now accepting tax-deductible donations. Ryan and Jennifer recently shared with us that together they have 1,201 friends on Facebook. If each one of those friends gives $20 to Promise Love, then their whole adoption would be covered! Let’s help Baby Grant find his forever family by all giving a little which will mean a lot!
Here's how you can give!!!
Click DONATE on our site and put "Jen and Ryan" in the comment box. You also can mail a check to the Promise Love Foundation: PO Box 47432 Tampa FL 33646. Promise Love Foundation is a 501c3 Non-Profit organization and all gifts are tax-deductible. If you itemize your donations seek advice from your tax accountant.
Lisa & Fred's new family and finished spaces!!
We've been dying to share with you the first family pics of Lisa & Fred's complete family and their new spaces!!! I got to spend a some time with them Sunday afternoon and they have quite a busy and full life with these 3 cuties!! We absolutely love this story because it's rare that a set of siblings, especially 3 are able to be adopted and have a forever family and grow up together.
Their project is complete, but their new family is just starting!!! A huge thank you from us and Lisa & Fred to everyone who gave and made this possible. We were also able to help them get a shed since they don't have a garage anymore:-) A extra HUGE amazing thank you to Solid Rock Construction Group for going way way above and beyond and not only transforming the garage but also renovating their 2 bathrooms as well. Here's some before and after pics of what it looked like and as you can tell it is quite a transformation!!! The really awesome thing about Solid Rock Construction is that Zack, who did a lot of work on this project, and his wife Evelyn also just adopted an 8 year old from the foster system and their entire family is very active in adoption and orphan care. We also have to thank Jaime and Tami from the No More Foundation for supporting us at their event and connecting us with Solid Rock Construction Group. We love partnering with others who have a heart to help change the world one little step at a time!
Lisa and Fred totally changed their bedrooms so the kids have awesome and fun spaces to play in. Their son's room has an awesome race car bed and spiderman on the wall! The girls' favorite colors are pink and purple and they all just love their new rooms! We just love their story and that their kids are finally home. I'll be going to their adoption finalization hearing in September and will show you what that looks like as well. We're starting off small and helping one family at a time and pray that we can help lots of families so lots more coming from us soon!!
Wall of Pretty Faces:-)
Thank you for sending us a pic of you in your Promise Love shirt!! If you haven't yet don't worry we plan on just adding and adding and adding over time so please keep on sending them!! Each of you are faces of support and represent the kids we want to help to find forever homes. We have shirts available again as well!!! Here's the links:
Kids - www.teespring.com/promiselovekids
Baby Onsies - www.teespring.com/promiselovebaby
Women's - www.teespring.com/promiselovewomen
Men's (with camo logo) - www.teespring.com/promiselovemen
Update on Lisa and Fred!
We can't quite share all the details yet, but we had to post a little update on Lisa and Fred's story:-) We we very honored and excited that the No More Foundation also partnered with us in a big way and allowed Lisa and Fred to share their story at the event on May 18th.
People gave in a big way, and their construction project is currently under way!!! Even more exciting for Lisa and Fred, the 3 children they are matched with are being placed with them permanently today! Perfect timing that Fred will get to celebrate his first Father's day on Sunday!! When you adopt from the foster system there is a transition period with visits and overnights over a certain period of time which ends in the children permanently being with their forever family. Here's just a little sneak of the construction under way. Lisa and Fred are so excited that it's finally happening and we can not wait to show you the finished project along with what their new family looks like!!! All that will be coming soon!! Plus, we have the next Promise Love family's story to share as well so stay tuned!!! Thank you for all your support and awesomeness!!!!
Send us your selfie!
We have some exciting updates on Lisa & Fred's project coming soon!! In the meantime, we had over 60 people order Promise Love shirts and they are shipping this week!!!! We thought it would be fun to have all of you send us a photo of yourself wearing your Promise Love shirt so we can post a collage of all your pretty faces. Seflies and phone pics are totally fine! When you get your shirt snap a selfie and you can post it on our Facebook page that is at www.facebook.com/promiselovefoundation or text it to Carrie - 813-480-0324 or Holly - 813-0758-4964. We can't wait to see!!!!
Promise Love Bracelets!
Yesterday, my heart and home were very full! Heaven, my sweet 8 year old daughter, decided after hearing Mr. Fred and Mrs. Lisa's story that she wanted to help them! So we invited some of her bracelet making girlfriends over (with music and ice cream sundaes to keep them motivated) to make as many official Promise Love Foundation bracelets as possible to sell and raise money so these 3 beautiful kids can finally be home forever! So proud of these girls and all there hard work. It was a blast! And I know they will sell like hot cakes!
Saul and I, for obvious reasons, have always stressed the importance of helping orphans find there forever homes in whatever way God calls us to help. It's pretty amazing to watch how God works in their little hearts and minds to reach out to people on their own! Going through the process of launching this foundation with us, my kids have truly taken on the prayers, excitement, love and commitment to helping families and kids find each other! They have learned the ups and downs, ins and outs, hard times and amazing victories and miracles that come through adoption. I am truly thankful to God for the journey He has placed us all on and what impact it is having on my own children.
If you are interested in buying a bracelet they are going for $5, but well worth more with all the love that is put into them:-) Just message us and we can mail them to you or stop by our booth at the No More Event this weekend, Sunday, May 18th @ 5pm at Bay Life Church and there will be a very cute 8 year old selling them!
A BIG Thank you to all the girls who took time out of their day to come make this a huge success! And thank you to the moms for bringing your girls and allowing them to be part of this awesome mission!
Our First Promise Love Family - Lisa and Fred's Story
This is Lisa and Fred. We got connected with them through Facebook when Carrie’s friend Karen saw the launch of the foundation. She thought they might be a great family to help and we think so too! They are an amazing couple that is matched with a sibling group of 3 children ages 4, 6, and 7. Two girls and a boy. They are adopting these kids from the foster system, which means the children’s biological parents’ rights have been terminated and the children are ready to find a forever home. May is also national Foster Care month and so this is also very fitting:-) We immediately fell in love with Lisa and Fred, their hearts, and their story. It is VERY rare that people are open to siblings, especially 3 kids that are a little bit older. They will get to grow up together as a family which is so awesome!
Adoption, especially of a sibling group isn’t for everyone, but, ANYONE can get involved and be a part of Lisa and Fred’s dream to become parents and give these kids an amazing family.
Lisa and Fred's home is a 1390sq ft 1958 bungalow. They need some help turning into a more accommodating space for 3 growing youngsters! What they are going to do is turn their 1.5 car garage into a master bedroom so that the 2 girls can share what was their room, and the boy can have his own room.
They need to raise $5,000 for the renovation and that’s where we want to help!
There is a big DONATE button on our site or you also can mail a check to the Promise Love Foundation: PO Box 47432 Tampa FL 33646
It doesn’t matter if you have $1 or $1000 every little bit helps and 100% of the proceeds are going to this project. It’s also a tax deductible donation for you!
You can also meet Lisa and Fred at the No More Event THIS Sunday 5/18 at Baylife Church. They will be joining us as we support this awesome event! We can’t wait to show you their finished space and their new family!!!!!
Here’s their story:
How did your story begin?
Our story began almost 20 years ago when we met, fell in love and decided to build a life together! We figured that once we built our foundation, we’d include children to our family and live happily ever after just like in all of the fairytales. In life, all tales aren’t so grand and free of complications. We weren’t able to successfully bear children of our own due to infertility issues, so we sought the alternative to adopt!
How did you and Fred grow up?
Coming from a large family, I’ve always been blessed to be surrounded by children, their laughter, their cries during accomplishments and triumphs and their infectious thirst to learn daily. I get great satisfaction of being privileged to share those experiences with them. We have volunteered at Metropolitan Ministries, Paint Your Heart Out, HCSO, BBBS (Big Brother and Big Sisters), and Medical Reserve Corp within our own communities throughout the years. We both come from loving and stable families, our Parents have been married for over 40 years, although Fred’s are both deceased now and we understand commitment in healthy relationships. Through good communication, we always talk out our problems, come up with solutions and work past it.
Tell us about you and Fred?
I love watching Fred when he’s helping children with completing a task, showing them various sites at amusement parks, teaching them about history or just having a moment to discuss life with them. He lights up as they recall how they saw or experienced something that he has shared with them and I always catch his eye when he is in the midst of having his heartstrings tugged by a child.
He often tells me that he knows that children like me because I’m very ‘motherly’ in my job of working with Mentally Ill Adults as well as with all of the children that we’ve been blessed to have in our lives. However, I remind him of what a big ‘kid’ he is and loves to play! Fred not only loves children, but he is affectionately nicknamed, ‘Ace Ventura’ due to his extreme love of animals. If Fred could live in a big open land filled with children and animals, he’d be in his glory.
I am completely a ‘City Girl’. Fred grew up in New York and I grew up in Chicago. He visited his Godparents and other family during summers in Puerto Rico.
We both have a very strong relationship with God and plan to introduce that to our children as well so that they’ll know, they’re never alone. We want to build strength in them so that they can turn those obstacles into positive experiences and allow it to help with their moral character and spiritual walk with God.
What do you want to share with these children who will become part of your family?
Though it’s been a real blast being ‘babysitters’, we long to have our own children to teach and show about how wonderful life can be, despite their previous obstacles and challenges. Our hearts spill over with love that we can give to children that will thrive in a stable, loving and positive family!
What do you look forward to most becoming parents?
We look forward to tucking them in at night, reading bedtime stories, listening to how their day in school went, what field trips they want to go on, watching their eyes glow when we take them to Busch Gardens, taking the dog for a walk with them, shopping for Christmas gifts for them, eating dinner together, helping with homework, so many things and EVERYTHING! We want to instill in our children a strong work ethic, and that they have the opportunity to do amazing things and make a difference in this world.
In 2 sentences why do you want to adopt?
I’d have to say, “I want our children to know what it’s liked to be loved in a healthy way and give them a chance to know that they DO MATTER! Most foster care Children express that they feel ‘forgotten’, ‘unloved’ and other negative feelings that just aren’t true at all.
Why did you decide to adopt from the foster system?
We want to adopt children, specifically a Sibling Group since we’d like to give multiple children a chance to stay together, remain a family and grow in a loving, and nurturing environment.
Want to be a part of making Lisa and Fred's dream come true and giving these kids a forever family?
DONATE on our site or you also can mail a check to the Promise Love Foundation: PO Box 47432 Tampa FL 33646. All gifts are tax deductible and 100% of proceeds will go to this project!
Let the Fun Begin!
We are SO excited to share with you how we are going to start helping families adopt!!! It's a little un-traditional, but that's how we roll:-) What we are going to do is start sharing a story about a specific family, so you can personally hear their about the journey that has led them to adopt and also how much they need to raise to make it happen. After the adoption is final, we will share with you what their new forever family looks like so that YOU can see how you helped give children a home! The awesome part is that not only will their friends and family be able to give, but anyone who wants to help. AND all gifts are tax deductible through the foundation!
Tomorrow we are going to share with you the very first Promise Love family we are going to help and they are an AMAZING couple adopting a sibling group from the foster system. Stay tuned!!!!!!!
Our first appearance @ The No More Event 5.18.14!!!
No More Event at Van Dyke Church was AMAZING!! About 400 people came to experience and feel the need for us to start doing our part and taking care of orphans both across the world and in Tampa. We are VERY excited that Promise Love Foundation will be one of the exhibitors at the next No More Event!!!
Date: Sunday, May 18th
Time: 5pm
Location: Bay Life Church @ 1017 Kingsway Rd, Brandon, FL 33510
Cost: FREE
Registration Link: http://fornomore.org/events/
The statistic that I can not get out of my head is that if literally every church in the US would take on just one foster child it would empty of the system. That's just one child per church. A lot of times people think it's just about adoption, but there are SO many ways you can get involved. Becoming a Guardian Ad Litem, delivering a meal to a foster parent with a new placement, giving to help others adopt, if you want to get involved let me know!! Here's a little overview of the event at Van Dyke and I know the one at Bay Life is going to be equally as awesome, come by and see us!!!!
Adoption through the Foster Care System - How does it work?
How does one even figure out how to get started when looking into adoption?? It can be quite an overwhelming thing!! So, we are going to give you the skinny on how each of the different options works. Holly and Saul have personally experienced adoption from the foster care system and Carrie and David have experienced private domestic adoption. We are going to give you both the process and steps of how to go about it and also what our own personal experiences are. In Florida (specifically Hillsborough County), there are 2 ways you can adopt from the foster care system:
1. As a foster parent, if the child in your care has their parent's parent rights terminated (TPR), and they have exhausted all family and friends then the foster parent generally is given the opportunity to adopt. This is the specific experience that Holly is going to share below.
2. The other option is that you get licensed as an adoptive home. You take similar classes and get licensed as an adoptive home. So you aren't fostering at all your family profile is actually presented at a match meeting of children who are available for adoption because the parents' rights have already been terminated and there is no family, friends or adoptive parents to adopt them. Most people don't realize it, but adoption through the state is generally free, you get a monthly stipend for the child, they get free in state college tuition, and medicaid until they are 21. Generally the cost is low, but the time waiting and frustration levels can be high.
Here's how Holly and Saul's personal experience went:
Almost 3 years ago, we started the process to become licensed foster parents. Previously, we had been working through the process of private adoption and soon realized God was steering us in a very different direction. While we thought we were called to adopt, it was clear, God was saying trust me and just be willing to love on whatever kids I put in your home. So, we somewhat hesitantly began classes to get licensed. Right away, and throughout the licensing ups and downs God never changed His mission for us. It was evident we were in the right place.
In October 2011, before we even knew we had received our official license from DCF (Department of Children and Families), we had a call for a baby, they were placing 3 babies that day and felt the 4 month old baby girl would fit us best. Little did they know I was praying for a 4-6 month old, but God knew. We couldn't believe the gorgeous baby that was dropped off by the CPI the next day. We worked through visits, court hearings, etc. learning along the way. Two and a half years later, there has been alot that has happened, including a return to her bio mom and back to us. We got official approval from the judge literally today that we will get to adopt her so we will be going through this adoption process again and are so happy!
About 4 months after we had our first placement, my husband felt God was saying it's time to take another. We had one open space left. I mentioned to our FDS (family development specialist) we would love to keep one, to which he laughed and said "you know foster parents don't sign up to keep them". It is not looked fondly upon when you sign up to foster parent just in hopes of adoption. I said I knew and I trusted he would find the right kid for our family. Our only preference was a child 2 & under with no major medical issues (we felt we wouldn't be prepared for that at this time). Less than 48 hours later, he called sounding a little surprised on the phone and said we have a 19 month African American boy who looks to be going up for a match meeting soon! He is an a respite (temporary) placement right now and we need to move him somewhere more permanently until he is matched.
A match meeting means that parents rights have been terminated, they cannot locate any other relatives or even non-relatives (friends of the family) to take the child and the child's case will be placed in front of a few families that are licensed to adopt. They then will determine which family is the best match for that child. If we were to take him and decide we would like to adopt him, we would have the first option to adopt! We knew God had set this up, this little guy had to be for our family! 2 days later the tiniest little man who waddled like a duck showed up on my front door. He was so handsome and the only word he could say was "mama"! I couldn't believe it!
We were pretty quickly able to start the process to adopt him. It still took 8 months from the time he showed up to his adoption day. They first determined if us adopting him was the best option (that was quick meeting). Then we had to have an adoption home study performed (which is slightly different than a foster home study), lots of paperwork, there was a child study to written up by the adoption specialist, and physicals by my husband and I. Once all the paperwork was complete, we had to go in for disclosure. This is a meeting where they record the adoption specialist reading everything from the child's history that they are aware of.
It was during that disclosure meeting that we truly got to understand why this little guy was so traumatized and totally explained the behaviors he exhibited when he first came to our home. I am sure reality was 10 times worse for him than what was explained to us in words at that meeting.
Saul and I decided right then and there we would pray over these things and we knew God had put him in our family because this child was going to have a life filled with hope and love with not only 2 parents who really loved him, but a whole new family who did too. These things were in his past, but they didn't define his future!
He arrived in February and a judge made him officially Micah David Nazario on October 1st, 2012!! Micah means "Who is like Yaweh". We owe his adoption to God and his perfect timing. Micah is a huge blessing to our family, a ball of energy and so much fun! He loves his brothers and sister, anything chocolate and rides a razor like a pro. He is still our little peanut and most people think his younger sister is older than him, but we know one day he will catch up:) He turns 4 in a few months and it has been a true miracle to watch this little boy change and grow. He was drug addicted at birth, weighed 2.3 lbs, severely traumatized before he arrived at our home, glued to me 24/7 for at least the first 6 months, desperate and screaming if I left him for a second, terrified to let his daddy touch him, and wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. Now he's a loving, caring, talkative, very friendly and outgoing little boy who loves his daddy sometimes more than his mommy! That is one of the joys and struggles you miss out on when you take a child that is perfectly healthy and has no struggles. We are glad God called us to foster first, so we could truly appreciate the change only He could bring through prayer and love in our little man. And we have been forever changed by adoption.
