Josh and Hannah experienced something recently that was heartbreaking! The kind of thing that makes you question where you went wrong or how did you not see this coming? It makes you stop and question if you should continue on the journey to adoption or maybe this isn’t meant to be. Emotionally it’s hard, but also financially it’s hard too.

Josh and Hannah had saved and fundraised for a long time in the hope’s of becoming parents through adoption, just to have that money lost by someone who was scamming them the whole time. Read firsthand here the blog post Hannah wrote during this time on her personal blog Thistle Harvest and join us in helping re-coupe a portion of what was stolen from them here as we continue our March Madness Basketball inspired fundraiser for the Briggs family.

Hannah and Josh Briggs.jpg

“As many of you may know by now, we heard the heartbreaking news last week

that our adoption match was a scam. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read the

email informing us of the FBI investigation, telling us to reach out to some

lawyers that we had never spoken with, to receive more information. We had to

find the hard facts out for ourselves and determine if this birth mom we had

spoken with on the phone was a figment of our imagination.

After some investigation, we were told (and proved it to be true) that our birth

mother and baby were completely fabricated and that a woman was hired to

speak to us on the phone on different occasions to make us feel safe and secure

about the placement. I told this crooked social worker and her accomplice (our

"birth mother") how excited we were to be parents, how I was purchasing things

for our little girl, preparing her nursery, and that I prayed for them every single

day. "Birth mom" even asked me if I was excited to find out that it was a girl and

our gender reveal video was shared with our social worker who seemed

genuinely excited for us.

I know it is difficult for others to understand, but this was the closest we had ever

been to becoming parents. We have been through many fertility treatments but I

haven't ever had the privilege of carrying a baby, even for a short amount of time.

This baby girl was very real to us and had already taken hold of our hearts. We

called her by name and dreamt of what the future held for the three of us.

I will never fully understand why we were chosen to walk this path. Our trust has

been severely broken. There have been times that I have cried so hard that it's

been difficult to breathe. We had to close the nursery door for a few days so that

we would not be reminded of the deep pain we both were feeling.

We have taken some time to grieve our loss and while we are still fighting the

gross injustice, heart-wrenching pain, and breach of trust, we are trying to move

past this nightmare and fulfill our dream of having a family. We won't let this

horrible act discourage us from pursuing our child. God never stopped pursuing

us and we refuse to give up. We want our children to know someday without a

shadow of a doubt that we loved them fiercely and pursued them with everything

we had. Throughout this whole ordeal, I am constantly reminded of the Father's

love for us and how He pursues us and loves us with a perfect love. We are his

children and He will never stop fighting for us.

Our plan now is to fight for justice. To do everything in our power to get our story

out there when we are able to speak out and advocate for adoptive parents, for

birth mothers, and for their unborn babies. No one should ever take advantage of

some of the most vulnerable people in the world and if they do, they should know

that they will pay dearly for their crimes.

We are fighting to try to recover the devastating financial blow that we have been

dealt. We are desperately trying to get our money back so that we can continue to pursue adoption.

We know our baby is out there and at times we have become so discouraged that this circumstance has delayed our journey to find them.

Just the other day, I was speaking with Josh and I was frustrated that we were

going to be delayed in our adoption and didn't know when we would finally be

able to add to our family. I felt like the Lord spoke to both of us in different ways

but revealed the same truth: that His delay wasn't a denial. Nothing catches Him

by surprise. We fully trust in His sovereignty. Everything He places in our lives is

divinely orchestrated by the God of the universe. He makes no mistakes. Even

these unfortunate circumstances and the timing will lead us to the baby that He

has always meant for us to have


We are stepping out by faith and our continuing our adoption journey. Please

pray for us, pray for our baby and birth mother, and pray that God would restore

what evil men have taken. “

Come back for part 2 of this story next week! It’s gonna be a good one!

Adoption Tax Credit

It's April 15th, tax day so we thought it was fitting to post some info on the adoption tax credit! We'll give you some of the main points and there are links below with much more detail.  Did you know that if you adopt a child you are eligible for up to $13,190 for 2014 and $13,400 in 2015 in tax credit for qualified expenses? It adjusts for inflation every year so that's what the rate is more for 2015.  The great news is, this is a tax credit, not a mere deduction, or reduction in taxable income.  A credit is a dollar for dollar tax reduction.  In 2012, Congress and the Obama Administration made this a permanent part of the tax code.  "The adoption tax credit offsets qualified adoption expenses, making adoption possible for families who may not be able to afford it. " So, this means that you can actually reduce your tax burden by up to $13,190.  If you owe less in taxes than what the credit is, you can actually carry over the remaining balance for up to 5 tax years.  So, for example, say you owe $10,000 in taxes for 2014 and have adopted 1 child. That means you could use $10,000 of your tax credit and not actually pay any taxes for 2014 and carry over the remaining $3,190 into 2015.  Pretty nice!  If you adopt twins, or triplets, or more than one child in a year the tax credit is for each child. 
   What are qualified expenses?  They include attorney or agencies fees, travel costs, and any other expenses directly related to legal adoption.  There are income limits for each year as well.  For 2014 if your adjusted income rate is  <$237,880 you may not claim the credit. 
   This tax credit does relate to both domestic and international adoptions.  If the child is born in the US, you can claim the tax credit in the year after you incurred the expenses.  But, if you finalized the adoption the same year you incurred the expenses you can claim the tax credit in that year.  For international adoptions you can only claim the tax credit after the adoption is final.  Be sure to seek advice from a tax accountant and making sure you are getting the full qualified benefit.  

Here's some articles with more detail and where we sourced our info:

Change the Seat!

Helping families with adoption is one of our main focuses, but Holly and I (Carrie) are also licensed foster parents and dedicated to helping improve the system any way we can.  When you are a foster parent you are  not a legal "party to the case" but you can go to court for most hearings generally except Termination of Parental Rights (TPR).  In Hillsborough county, some of the judges ask foster parents for input but many times they do not, or there isn't time.  When you go to court, there is a center table where the parents, attorneys, case managers, and Guardian Ad Litem sits, but foster parents could not sit at the table because they weren't a party to the case.   To me, this was a huge problem because as foster parents we have the children in our care 24/7 and why shouldn't we be considered an equal part of the team giving input and facts? In court these kids entire lives are at stake and the decisions made can literally impact them and their families for generations so it's critical that all the facts are presented.  
     I found out that Eckerd has a group called the System of Care Action Committee anyone can be a part of.  I joined the Outcomes subcommittee which works on actions to improve the foster system and I am the ONLY foster parent who goes!!!  There really are people in the system dedicated to making it better you just have to find them.  At the first meeting, I presented the idea that if foster parents could sit at the table in court and were allowed to give input just like the case manager and Guardian it would put everyone on the same team and allow for critical information to be shared. Guess what?  It is happening!!!!!!  
     The office of the Attorney General and Judge Essrig got all the judges in Hillsborough County dependency court to agree to it.  As of now we are allowed to sit at the table and give feedback just like everyone else!  It's called the Change the Seat Campaign and there will be a training at the February 7th HCFPA meeting for anyone who wants to know appropriate court etiquette.  Seriously, this is a HUGE step forward for ensuring the facts are presented in making decisions for these kids and if anyone would like to get involved in the System of Care Action Committee we need more caring foster parents to help work on these issues.  The next meeting is Thursday 2/4 10:30-11:30am Eckerd Family Place - 10549 North Florida Ave.  If we don't start speaking up and demanding change it will never happen.  Please come if you would like to join or if you can't but  have ideas of things that can be improved please email them to me and I'll share at the meeting!

From Foster to Forever Family - Team Moore

Very good friends of the Promise Love Foundation, Bruce and Heather Moore, allowed me to photograph the beginning of their official family (by legal standards:-).  We've shared with you how process to adopt from the foster system works, and it literally gives me chills showing you how amazing the final outcome is. The court hearing itself is very short, only about 10 minutes long, but the impact of what this means can span generations.  Everyone introduces themselves, parents, grandparents and friends.  Then attorney verifies in front of the judge that Bruce and Heather are going to be the forever parents of Titus and Noelle, and that Gwen will be their forever sister. At the end, the bailiff gets out teddy bears for all the kids and you can take a picture with the judge.  Sounds simple right?  

There's so much more. We did some photos outside the courthouse and I absolutely love that they get in a circle and say "team Moore".  That's what a family is right? A team!!!!  Titus and Noelle are siblings that have gone through significant trauma in their very young lives and their parents' rights were terminated.  They were placed into the match process for adoption, and let me tell you, they have won the lottery.  I don't know if I can convey with words the different path their lives will take now.  Heather and Bruce opened their home and rescued these children from the potential of bouncing from foster home to foster home, being separated, or even continuing the cycle of abuse, poverty, crime, and drugs that is rampant among kids that grow up in the foster system. I'm not trying to be dramatic here, it's the truth and more people need to know about it and be a part of the solution!  So a happy beginning for Team Moore.  To give you some personal insight I asked Heather some questions and she really shared what it feels like and how this all came to be………..


Heather sent me this picture, it was the very first time they had a visit with the kids. I put my favorite question last, it's the most important. I love their story and how it came to be……...

Tell us a little about your family and why you decided to adopt from the foster system?

Before we were married, Bruce and I talked about adoption. Whether or not we could have biological children, we wanted to adopt. For us, adoption is a beautiful picture of exactly what God has done for us. He engrafts us into His family through the gift of His Son, Jesus Christ. Adoption is not a man-made concept; it is the very heart of God!

 Six years ago, God blessed us with the most incredible little girl. She is smart, funny, generous, and loves God even at a young age. She began asking for a sibling (a sister to be exact) and praying for one. It was then God promoted us to start our adoption journey.  We briefly looked at international adoption and ruled it out for several reasons. Next, we met with private adoption agencies. Each agency had stacks of family profiles waiting to be filled and for us it was cost-prohibitive. Prior to our adoption journey, we made some decisions that radically altered our finances. We started Christ Fellowship Tampa, a church in the heart of Seminole Heights, and we went without a salary for an entire year. Each subsequent year we have given significantly to ministry and missions. We were not in a position to afford private adoption.

It was then that we turned to the foster care system. Adoption from foster care is not for everyone. There are hoops to jump through. Families wanting to adopt an infant or even young child might wait a long time. And let’s face it; children are in foster care because something has gone horribly wrong.

 However, these are children who with consistency, time and a whole lot of love can and will make a transition into a healthy home. I am so glad we adopted from foster care! Beyond a shadow of a doubt, these two children were meant to be ours.

You went from a family of 3 to a family of 5, what are the 3 happiest moments you have had as a new family and the 3 most challenging moments you've had? 

Well, to be honest it is like hitting a brick wall. There is a physical aspect for sure. Three times the meals, three times the baths, and three times the laundry. But, there is also an emotional and mental aspect that can be more taxing than the physical side.

 This is where our most challenging moments have occurred. The abuse and neglect have impacted the children in different ways. One child is insecure and afraid of anything new. This child needs constant reassurance and prodding to try things, even fun things. The other child is angry. We have been bitten, kicked, hit, screamed and growled at.  Balancing the transition of the two new children into the home, along with reassuring our firstborn daughter along the way is more emotionally draining than I thought.

Thankfully, our Christ Fellowship family has been there for us. They hosted an adoption shower, organized a meal train and have prayed for us. They have been our cheerleaders on the exhausting days and our encouragers on the difficult days. They have celebrated with us on the wonderful day. They texted us, brought us Starbucks and babysat all three kids so we can have date nights. They have loved us well!

And there have been moments we will treasure forever. Knowing their background, even the smallest movement forward is a huge victory!  In the short time we have had them, they have made such huge strides. Some of our happiest moments are when the kids say, “I love you” of their own volition. Seeing the plethora of curse words drop from their vocabulary and being replaced with Bible songs and verses.

And for me personally (Heather), our daughter came into our home calling every adult female “mom.” This was even noted in the child study we read at Disclosure Meeting. It was like she spent years looking for a mom. Now, she refers to me and me alone as Mom.  She found me. She found her Mom!

What was going through your mind and how did you feel after the adoption finalization hearing was over?

Of all the questions, this one is the hardest to answer. It is hard to put into words the emotions of hearing the gavel hit the Judge’s desk and knowing that Noelle and Titus are forever ours.  There were the natural emotions of joy, happiness and love that have invaded our hearts over the last three months. But, for us it is so much richer and deeper than that. What happened in that courtroom was first and foremost a spiritual thing. This whole process has taught and continues to teach us about God and His great love for us.
Some of my favorite verses are:

having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will. Ephesians 1:5

 For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father. Romans 8:15

Our God, from your sacred home, you take care of orphans and protect widows.
ou find families for those who are lonely. Psalm 68

What advice do you have for people who are deciding if adopting through the foster system is a journey they are looking to start?

First, don’t give up! We were presented with 6 different match options. We turned down 2 potential matches because of severe medical needs of the children. Neither Bruce nor I have a medical background or nursing degree. The match was just not right for us. However, for the remaining matches even though we were wiling to proceed the Match Committee chose anther family. Many times along the way, we could have given up. In fact, it was harder emotionally and mentally to continue to stay in the process. But, we preserved and now beyond a shadow of doubt we know why the previous matches never materialized. We were meant to the parents of Noelle and Titus.

Secondly, be flexible! The system has rules and procedures that at times can seem confusing or even contradictory. Ask your caseworker to explain or re-explain things if necessary. Endurance is key but so is communication.

Thirdly, be prepared! While I say that, there is no way to prepare fully. Each foster child’s background is different. And in turn, each child will respond differently to the neglect and/or abuse. So foster parents and adoptive parents are presented with a child who will not respond normally nor act in ways that are polite and mannerly. However, you can prepare yourself by reading The Connected Child.  This book is widely considered to be the “bible “ for adoptive families. It has helped put so much into perspective for us. On days when our frustration level is sky high this book reminds us to extend grace and mercy to children who have never been taught nor loved properly.   

What is your biggest hope and dream for these 2 new additions to your family?

We desire these two precious souls be free from their past and live a life that bears no scars of the neglect and abuse they suffered at an early age. God has created these two children in His image, so it naturally follows that He has plans for their lives--plans for a hope and future. Our greatest joy would be to see each of them embrace God’s plan and live a life wholly committed to Him.                                     

Private Adoption - How does it work?

How does one even figure out how to get started when looking into adoption?? It can be quite an overwhelming thing!! So, we are going to give you the skinny on how private domestic adoption works.  David and have done 2 private domestic adoptions, we just officially finalized one and the second one will be soon, so I can share what we've experienced and the process.  Holly shared the process to adopt from the foster system, you can read that HERE.  There are huge differences in how each of these processes works and even a different set of laws they fall under. 

Private Adoption by definition is: an adoption arranged by a privately-funded, licensed adoption agency.  There are costs involved, private domestic adoption is typically $20,000-$40,000 depending on the state and agency. This is usually the biggest deterrent people say when considering adoption. Take a step back and think about it. How much is the car or 2 cars sitting in your drive way and how long will you keep them?  3 years, 5 years? Initially when David and I were looking at our options for adoption, we were hesitant on working with a private agency because it just sounds wrong that you are paying to have a child become part of your family.  In reality though, you are paying that amount so that a birth mother can make the most unselfish decision she will ever make, giving her child a home and a life that she probably wouldn't be able, or isn't ready to provide.  A lot of these kids would probably end up in the foster system if that mom didn't make that choice. I know for a fact that one of our babies would be in the system right now if it wasn't for her mom making the decision to place her for adoption.  Now she will not have to endure the potential numerous foster homes, and years before should would actually be able to be adopted or even aging out of the system.  I'm telling you, it is worth every penny, it's rescuing a child and giving them love and a life they might never have.

Ok, off the soapbox:-) Here's from my perspective the steps you can follow to get started:

1.  Start researching adoption agencies - There are a LOT of adoption agencies out there. Some reputable, many not so reputable.  We have a couple listed on our resources page that we have worked with and know are amazing. David and I opted for a small local agency (Finally Home Christian Adoption Services) because it was faith based and we knew the person who started the agency. You really have to be confident in the agency you are working with, their fee structure, and their support to you and even more importantly to the birth mom. 

2. Once you choose an agency they will have a process for you to follow.  There are a lot of documents you will have to fill out to be qualified, as well as having an approved home study. The main things are; proof of income and expenses, background checks, references, why you want to adopt and the list goes on. 

3. Application and Preferences - This is part of the paperwork you will fill out but it's important so I am making it it's own item:-) Your agency should require you to state what type of things you are open to in terms of a potential child you could be matched with. This includes race, gender, age, siblings, drug exposure during pregnancy, HIV, alcohol during pregnancy, disabilities (both mental and physical) and other factors. You have to decide what your family can handle and what you are open to. We also did a lot of research on our own in terms of HIV and exposure to drugs because we had no idea what the effects are. HIV I thought was the most interesting.  If the birth mom is on medication and generally has a c-section the rate of the baby being HIV + is <2%. That is just amazing to me how medicine has gotten to that place.  You can plan, and research as much as you want to, but at some point no matter what happens, you have to decide if that is the child that is meant to be a part of your family.

4. Home Study - This is a requirement by law that the agency you choose has to perform and you have to be approved for before you can have an adoptive placement.  There is an actual in home visit and interview with a licensed professional or social worker.  All the paperwork you filled out will also be a part of the home study which will check marital status, income, health, references, and background check for criminal and abuse history. 

5. Family Profile Book - While all these other things are in process you will have to make a book about your family.  This is what your adoption agency will present to birth moms or parents, that are working with your agency to place their children for adoption. It can be a little overwhelming because you have to basically do a book of your life and show photos of things like your home, family members, activities, your wedding, why you want to adopt, a letter to the potential birth mom, pets, hobbies, vacations etc! I had to do ours very quickly and thankfully since I am a photographer I'm very organized and could pull images. Here's what the cover of our book looks like. I basically googled "adoption family profile book" and I used MixBook to actually build the album because it was super easy to throw in pictures and text.
Here's a couple articles I used that helped:
- Adoptive Families
- Adoptive Family Circle
There are even companies you can pay to do one for you like this one: Little Blessings Adoption. It was tempting, but I literally had one day to do ours so I just used ideas from articles and examples to organize our info.

6. Waiting - Once your home study is approved then the waiting begins. It can be long or short depending the things you are open to that you stated in your application and family profile.  Typically, for a newborn the waiting process they say is about a year.  Sometimes it's much shorter and sometimes it's much longer. Generally, the more open your profile the faster it can be.  When you are in process don't be afraid to let friends and family know what you are doing and that you are in process.  Many times matches occur because a friend of a friend knows someone who is thinking about adoption and you never know what might happen!

7. Match - Adoption agencies also have a process for working with prospective birth mom's. When a birth mom signs on with an agency and has committed to the process they will then be presented family profiles to choose who they think will be the best fit for their child. Once the birth mom officially choses the family, depending on the situation there can be a lot of interaction with the birth mom or very little.  This can include going to doctor appointments and getting to know her.  Every situation is totally different. The agency we chose really focuses on the birth mom, which we really liked because they did weekly counseling with her that walked her through a lot of the emotional things she was going through and getting her ready for the emotions she would experience when the baby was born. Birth moms have to actually decide to place their children for adoption 2 times.  Once when they actually sign on with an agency and a second time after they give birth and officially have to sign the documents and handing the baby over to the adoptive family.  

8. Costs - You usually just hear a blanket amount of how much adoption costs but not really an explanation of it's for.  The adoption agency you choose should give you a detailed fee schedule about what amounts are due when.  There's agency fees, legal fees, and also a legal amount of birth mother expenses by law allowed.  In Florida it's $5000, but it does vary by state.  
Examples of what agency fees include are:
- Application process
- Adoption training
- Background checks 
- Home study
- Birth parent paperwork 
- Birth parent counseling and support
- Administration fees
- Initial legal fees
- Post placement visits
Legal Expense:
- Document filing
- Birth certificate
- Certified copies of judgements
- Court representation
Birthparent Expense:
- In Florida these are not to exceed $5000 unless approved by the court
- The agency should determine a budget with the birthparent for necessary living expenses like food, rent, utilities, clothing, etc that must meet legal guidelines
- These should all be itemized and presented to you before the finalization hearing. I don't know if all agencies do this, but our agency even reimbursed us when the amount budgeted was not fully used.
- Medial care of the baby at time of birth are the responsibility of the adoptive parents. This scared me at first because you never know what can happen, but our agency gave us a letter to present to our adoption agency so that our normal medial insurance covered the baby beginning from birth. This is something you need to check with your insurance company at the beginning to see what their policy is.  

When you add all of these tasks up, and there are more these are just the big ones, the time and legal services that go into a successful adoption should make sense.  

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8. Birth - It's an exciting and emotional time when the baby is actually coming!  Again, each situation and the adoptive parents' involvement is totally different.  With each of our babies' births we knew we would go to the hospital when contractions started to be about 2 minutes apart.  Our first daughter's birth mom was induced on 2/14 and we thought we would have a Valentine's day baby! Maddie wasn't actually born until 2/16 at 12:35am, so we were on pins and needles for like 2 days.  It's good to have a task to work on, I left painting our nursery for our project and I'm glad we did because we had literally 36 hours where we needed something to occupy our time.  For Maddie's birth we were in the waiting room while she was born and we got to see her right after, while they were weighting her and we got to feed her for the first time. For Evie, our 2nd one, I was actually in the room and got to see her being born and cut the cord.  Different hospitals have different policies for how involved they will allow adoptive families to be.  The hospital our girls were born at was very adoption friendly and as long as you are there before the baby is born, you can get the 2nd wristband so you can go in and out of the nursery and stay with the baby there if necessary.  

9. Hospital time - Our adoptions were both open adoptions, which means that we have interaction with the birth mom, closed adoption is no or little access.  So I'm going to describe this in terms of open adoption. I'm going to do a blog posting on exactly what both open and closed means because that seems to be another thing people are scared of.  The time after the baby is born, until you get to bring them home is probably the most emotional part of the process, and difficult to explain how it feels. In Florida, the birth mom has to sign over rights to the baby to the adoption agency before she is discharged from the hospital, which is generally 48 hours after birth, sometimes longer if she has a c-section. Again, each situation is going to be different. You want to be happy and spend time with the baby, but this is also the time that the birth mom has to connect with and come to terms with her decision.  With both of ours, the hospital gave us a separate room so that we could spend time with baby but just down the hall from the birth mom so whenever she wanted to see her she could.  It's a very tricky situation because you want to spend time with the baby, but not too much time that the birth mom doesn't get to, but not too little time that you aren't committed. I can't really think of another example of what unselfishness looks like, a birth mom placing her child for adoption is the ultimate example. She needs to feel loved and supported and to know that you are going to love that child with all your heart forever. 

10. Signing - That 48 hours can seem like an eternity because until the birth mom signs the paperwork it's not done. Our adoption agent called us after the signing so that we could come and see the birth mom before she was discharged.  With both of ours, we all prayed and cried together with the birth mom and wanted her to feel loved and secure that these sweet babies would be loved and grow up in the home they wanted for them. If the birth mom doesn't feel secure, loved, and supported she may not go through with her decision in the end.  At our hospital it was funny because even though I didn't give birth, I had to be wheeled out in the wheel chair as if I had. Leaving the hospital is one of the happiest moments you will ever have, it's not the end, it's the beginning of something amazing.

11.  Post Placement - After you bring baby home, there will generally be several post placement visits by your agency to make sure that everything is going smoothly.  It's also a requirement so that you can finalize the adoption in court.  In Florida, once the birth mother signs, she can not change her decision.  In some states, they can change their mind after a certain timeframe like 30 or 60 days even after the baby has already gone home to the adoptive parents. Your agency so make you aware or what the law is in your current state.

12. Finalization - In Florida, you can officially go to court for the adoption finalization hearing after 90 days. Sometimes it takes longer depending on how backed up the courts are. The hearing is really a legal celebration of the decision you have made to adopt.  The judges are generally very nice and happy during this hearing because it's probably one of the only happy things they get to do. In Hillsborough County family court, you can bring family and friends, and also have photo and video taken during the hearing. They also give the child a teddy bear which is really sweet.  You basically take an oath that you are going to love and provide for the child for their entire life just as if you had actually given birth.  It's a really awesome and amazing feeling to legally and officially finalize an adoption.  I'll be sharing photos and video from Maddie's when I get them so you can see what it feels like.

13. Risks - Adoption is never a for sure thing until it's done.  We didn't tell many people or make it public until after our birth moms had signed the paperwork and we were bringing our babies home.  Sometimes it doesn't work out and the birth mom does not actually go through with her decision.  We had just come off of a very emotional foster case so we were cautiously optimistic but we were in a good frame of mind because we knew if it was meant to be it would happen.  It's a huge risk you take both monetarily and also emotionally.  But giving birth yourself is a huge risk in the same way so it's actually not that different. You have to really trust your agency and their process to ensure that the mom's needs are being taken care of so that she can make the best decision. Some agencies won't refund any of the money you have already paid, and some will put it towards a future adoption if it's services that were already completed like a home study, application, etc. You have to pray and trust that God will put in your home the children he wants to be there, and you don't really have any control over it. It's scary, but amazing, because if you are along for the ride and open truly amazing things can happen.